Do you see yourself as a woman of great worth, who has something to contribute to those around you? Or do you ever feel defeated, overwhelmed and inadequate? I believe God wants each of us to know, to truly grasp what it means to know that we are women of great value, strength and worth.
Throughout the majority of my life, have battled crippling insecurity, inferiority and social-anxiety. Websters dictionary defines inferiority as: “a persistent sense of inadequacy or a tendency to underrate oneself and one’s abilities”. In other words, inferiority measures worth by outward performance and appearance. Do you ever find yourself spinning in the performance trap, underrating your personal value? I know I do! I have four children. How can I avoid comparison while I watch other Mommas raising their kids so well, with such grace! I find it challenging to believe the Lord when he tells me who He says I am.
There was a specific event in my life when anxiety got the better of me, thoughts of inadequacy gripped me and I ran. Slowly, over the past decade though, God has used that experience to draw me to Him, to redeem me and to teach me to trust Him when he says that I am his child. A child of worth, beauty and love.
It was 2006. I was a brand-new Mom, pregnant with my first child. I had decided to get more involved at church and joined a women’s bible study. The women in the group all welcomed me with open arms, the leaders were genuine. I attended 3 Wednesday evenings in a row, a new track record for this anxious introvert. I hate to admit it, but I’m highly skilled at quitting social clubs. Though I didn’t intend to quit indefinitely this time, there was a particular evening I talked myself out of going, “just for the night”.
You know the feeling after a long day at work of just not wanting to go anywhere? I wanted to go home, put my hair up, my sweats on, and eat a pint of dryers vanilla bean ice cream. It was more than just not wanting to go though, there was an all too familiar fierce pull on my heart that made me believe I wasn’t worthy enough to even show up. “Nobody will notice if I’m gone anyway” I told myself. “It’s not like I have anything of value or substance to add to the group discussions”. The enemy was doing his best work to tear at my heart and defeat my soul.
That settled it. On my way home from work, sitting in stop and go traffic, rubbing my rounded 6-month pregnant belly; I decided that my baby boy and I would go home and take it easy. People and stress free.
Same number. Again I avoided it, a lump swelling in my throat, my heart pounding, and anxiety rising. “Elizabeth, this is Linda, we’d love it if you’d come tonight, you can still make it in time”. I deleted the voicemail, put my sweats on and headed for the freezer for that blessed vanilla bean ice cream. A third time the phone rang, “Elizabeth, this is Linda. We planned a surprise baby shower for you tonight, all the women are here. We have games and food and are all wanting to celebrate your baby boy with you! Please come join us”.I buried my face in my hands and sobbed. I just couldn’t.
As I look back on that day, 13+ years later, I can see that though I felt like I didn't have anything to contribute to group, I did! Just as those leaders continued to gently call me, God has gently summoned me and shown me who He says I am. I am an encourager. I feel things deeply. I am empathetic and a daughter of the King of Kings. As I slowly learn to trust the Lord with who He says I am, and resist the urge to run, I am finding freedom from social anxieties, insecurity and fear.
Isaiah 43:1 says: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you, I have summoned you by name, you are mine”.
I dare you to just ask him, “Who do you say I am?” I believe with all my heart that the Lord, the God who created your very being will show you how to walk in victory and maybe even set you free!
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